Are you stuck?
Tired of being tired?
Sick of being sick?
Wish you had a better relationship?
Finances got you anxious?
Covid got you down?
OK, then it’s probably a good time to UnFunk YourSelf.
Unfunking yourself starts with a willingness to see that all your issues in life are designed for you and they have something important to teach you All that angst has a purpose. It’s saying, “Heh there, it’s time for a change.”
At some level, we are all change-resistant. What is this human tendency to resist life? We don’t like to admit mistakes? We are stubborn to ask for help. We put the bills off as long as we can. We avoid having the conversation we know we need to have.
We play the same cycle repeatedly and wonder how we ended up in the same relationship with a different person. We keep drinking to forget we did that. We use pot to numb our minds and pretend it’s all cool. But eventually….. it comes back to bite us on the ass. And when it does, it’s not pretty.
Why do we guard our positions so vigorously that we can’t see another option and keep doing the same thing over and over again? Even when life is not fulfilling?
Here’s why that happens! Unknowingly, we are protecting THE EGO. Yes, we all have one. The Ego is that sneaky bugger that has some rather unattractive qualities. It is a sabotage expert. The passive-aggressive one. The one that has to have it right here and now. The one that puts things off and likes to control things. Sometimes jealous, sometimes angry, sometimes depressed, sometimes judgemental….yes that’s all ego.
Wait a second, are you saying you don’t have any of those issues?
OK the one that said that …..THAT’S YOUR EGO.
I have an ego; his name is Stavros. I call him that because he’s militant. He comes out when I’m afraid, and he sounds like control and dominance. He’s usually around when my teens are off doing something they aren’t supposed to be doing, and I’m home fretting for their lives.
OH YES, Stavros comes out in full force when my kids trigger me. First there’s fear, then judgement, then anger. Sometimes there’s shaming, bossing, and even ultimatums. It never works out!
Oh, Stavros, you are NOT EFFECTIVE at solving my issues.
Rather than pretending, we don’t have an ego, let’s be authentic. When our Ego’s come out to play, what if we chose to see how our Ego’s are causing our own demise?
What would happen if we looked under triggers of control and anger and found the real emotion that everything was stemming from? The emotion called “fear”.
What if we looked under the daily beer drinking and found the heartbreak. What if we looked under that heartbreak, even further, and saw the fear of the loss of love? Or fear of being alone? Or fear of not being good enough?
That process of looking deeper and being honest with ourselves offers enormous gifts and pays off in spades in terms of your happiness and satisfaction with life.
When you truly “own” it, and see how the Ego is acting out. Call it out. And when you do, you will see that the ego has a lot less power over you. For example, verbalizing and taking responsibility for our ego releases it…. and it gives us a place to create something new. It provides us with a place for change. When we are willing to say what causes our fear it no longer controls us.
So what ever is in the way, is the way. What causes us pain becomes the purpose of the future. In other words, suffering happens to us, for us and to teach us.
So you know how easy it is to talk about all your accomplishments and how great of a person you are…. When you get as comfortable as that, talking about your Ego, and all of it’s sabotaging outcomes, that’s when you know you have won. That’s emotional intelligence.
Distinguishing the Ego is where all the healing and magic happens. Realizing the egos impact on yourself and others dissolves pain, reduces fear, cures illnesses, and mends relationships.
Think about it, would you rather be in a relationship with someone who admits their mistakes or fears and moves on, or someone who’s hiding it all and leaves you second guessing everything?
OK, think about the last time you got angry. Who was there? What happened? Anger is a powerful emotion. It can take us down, and take down those around us, or it can lift us and catapult us into action.
Was anger a place for you to look deeper or was it a place for you to blame someone else? If you’re still blaming, you are still stuck. If it became a teacher, then change happened.
Which was it?
Emotions are predispositions for actions. The things you do and the outcomes you have all stem from your emotions. So it’s worth getting to know them intimately if you want specific results.
When we get angry, there is an underlying emotion that wants to be revealed. Or a range of underlying emotions.
Anger usually signifies that we are fearful, frustrated, or feeling insecure. Anger can teach us many things about ourselves. It is RICH in learning. What is it that we fear? What is the root fear?
Is it a fear of loss?
Is it fear of rejection?
Is it a fear of not being enough?
Anger shields the underlying feelings we never get to learn from, unless we look deeper and acknowledge it.
Anger is a great place to stop and look at what you might be worried about in that future. 90% of the time we are worried and fearful of something that’s never going to happen.
Rather than anger, choose to “own” your thoughts and actions. SQUEEZE the JUICE out of anger and learn how it harms you and those around you. Find the gift that anger has.
Does anger request a change in your view?
Does anger request a change in your life?
Does anger request that we take a specific action?
Do anger signify a conversation you are afraid of having?
Can anger lead to you to being vulnerable, whereby you share your real emotions?
When we realize the gift that anger has for us, it teaches us. We soften. We become reverent. We find grace in life’s situations. We cultivate understanding rather than acting like a bull in a China shop, breaking everyone in our path. We also restore our relationships. It’s powerful stuff.
Negative emotions and outcomes are our greatest teachers if we have a willing mind. We can resist and resist and postpone and resist. But it’s to our detriment – EVERY TIME.
Emotional awareness is not a movement of the times reserved for spiritual people. It is not a wonky book that is all fu fu, la la, hairy fairyland ideals. And it’s certainly not people hummitating on the side of a cliff, asking for world peace.
No, emotional awareness is taking the time to ‘self observe’, and find answers. It is a deep and meaningful personal experience. Emotional awareness is a verb that requires personal action. It dares to examine the way we act and react and be honest with ourselves about it.
It is a process of identifying our emotions and being willing to tell the truth to yourself about what’s really going on underneath those surface emotions and all the substances we use to pretend they aren’t there.
The journey of a self-examined life is one worth living. Your life’s success correlates directly with your ability to get out of your own way! That means being willing to release that Ego’s hold, and that always feels uncomfortable. But do it anyway, because beyond that emotional mind trap, is a peaceful world requesting you show up to the party.
Think of 2020 as your time in life where things got so intense that you had no other choice but to grow. Covid-19 really was so scary, so painful, so uncertain that we got very clear about what really matters and put things into perspective.
What if 2020 meant the world stopped long enough for us to finally see what we have been unable to see, and what we see is ourselves requesting to grow. To grow more conscious, get clear and precise, align with our highest self. Clearly what matters is our animals, our environment, our health. In that order.
So go ahead, get mad, then observe it. Identify the underlying fears. Get angry when you go off course and really ‘see’ it for what it is. Unravel it!
And then, go and UnFunk YourSelf.
Author: Katrina Olivero is a leadership coach and trainer with www.ThePhoenixFuture.com
You can reach her at contact@ThePhoenixFuture.com
709 770-0677. You may book Katrina Olivero for speaking engagements, corporate coaching or individual coaching.
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