by Tina Olivero

    Emotional Intelligence – Its where mistakes serve a purpose

    When we can take our mistakes and allow them to be a learning ground that silences the ego, we win – every time. But why are we are so afraid to go there? What is this human tendency to resist looking at our mistakes?

    What is it that keeps us in this thought-induced coma?
    Why do we choose the path of denial, superiority, being right, and entitlement, over an outcome of growth and learning about ourselves?
    Why do we guard our positions so strongly that we can’t see another option?
    Why do we stay in the same cycles?
    What are we protecting?

    These are the questions that the emotional intelligence era is urging us to answer.

    Rather than hanging our heads in shame, which ultimately only creates more bad feelings, what if we chose to see how we contributed to the demise of the unwanted outcome?

    That process of looking deeper and being honest with ourselves offers enormous gifts.

    When we truly “own” it, the shame disappears instantly.  That’s because learning releases guilt and shame in the moment that we realize we were responsible for that outcome.

    More often than not, we have something to do with the things that don’t work in our lives. After all, it is our lives and not someone elses. So we have to take the responsibility for everything that works AS WELL AS, everything that doesn’t work in our lives, to truly learn and grow effectively.

    Anger is a powerful emotion. It can take us down, and take down those around us, or it can lift us up and catapult us into action.

    Rather than stomp around and beat the world with anger, what if we chose to see the truth of what we feel when we are angry?

    Anger is an incredible teacher. When we get angry, there is an underlying emotion that wants to be revealed.  Or a range of underlying emotions. Does anger signify that we are fearful, frustrated or feeling insecure? Do we feel that we have been wronged and deserve something better? Do we stomp about and behave like a 5-year-old demanding a different outcome?

    Anger can teach us many things about ourselves. It is RICH with learning. What are we afraid of? Is it a fear of loss, fear or rejection, a fear of not being enough? Does it signify our superiority over others? Does it signal our dissatisfaction with life and our lack of confidence to change it?

    Anger shields the underlying feelings which we never get to learn from, unless we look deeper and acknowledge it.
    Anger can be a deflection, for example, we may have a stressful event coming up in the future and yet we find ourselves getting angry at the little things around us right now.  That moment of anger is a great place to stop and look at what you might be worried about in that future event.

    Rather than anger, choose to “own” your thoughts and actions. Find the gift that that anger has. Does it request a change in our view? Does it request a change in our lives? Does it request that we take a specific action?

    When we realize the gift that anger has for us, it teaches us. We soften. We become reverent. We find grace in life’s situations. We cultivate understanding rather than acting like a bull in a China shop, smashing things around us.

    To learn and grow we MUST see beyond the physical, tangible reality, that is our lives. We MUST go deeper into our emotions and ask what they have for us. We must look further and go deep to tap into the teachings of the inner world.

    Look beyond the ego’s shield and find the purpose of depression, the purpose of suffering, the purpose of unwanted outcomes, the purpose of hyper-ness, the purpose of ADD, depression, OCD, anger issues, addictions, and suffering. It’s all right there. Asking for our conscience to kick in and own the truth of what’s happening.

    Negative emotions and outcomes are our greatest teachers if we have a willing mind. We can resist and resist and postpone and resist. But it’s to our detriment – EVERY TIME!

    Self-love is not a movement of the times for spiritual people. And Self Love is not a wonky book that is all fu fu, la la, hairy fairy land ideals. And it’s certainly not people hummitating on the side of a cliff, asking for peace.

    No, Self Love is a personal experience. It is a verb that requires personal action.  Self Love has the courage to examine the way we act and react and be honest with ourselves about it.

    Self Love is the process of examining your emotions and being willing, to tell the truth to yourself about what’s going on.

    And it’s never about anyone else. The journey of a self-examined life is just that. “SELF” examined. Looking BEYOND ourselves is only an illusion because we can’t point the finger at another and learn something about ourselves. Yes, it is that simple.

    Emotions are powerful teachers. Use them to make a change in a circumstance, or make a change in thinking.

    Let go of all the shame, and guilt and resentment and anger. Let it go so that the learning that is here will be able to come in.

    It will take something. It will mean releasing that ego’s hold, and in doing so, it may be uncomfortable.

    But do it anyway, because beyond that emotional mind trap, is a peaceful world within you.


    Tina Olivero is a leadership coach and trainer with www.TransformWithTina.com
    You can reach her at tinaolivero@theogm.com
    709 770-0677

    You may book Tina Olivero for speaking engagements, corporate coaching or individual coaching.
    Tina Olivero

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